The Rants of the Mighty Athena
by PeaceLoveAndCheese
Summary: Series of one-shots. We all know that Athena and a certain sea spawn have an on-going rivalry. So, let's take a look at the everyday life of the goddess and how our favorite demigod hero can ruin the brightest of days... Rated T because I'm paranoid and there might be weirdness.
1. The Birth of a Nightmare

**Hey all!**

**I'M BA-ACK! And I'm better than ever!**

**Yeah, yeah, I know, I should be updating the Mark of Athena. And I'll do that now! But this came to me while I was on vacation and I just HAD to write it! This should be a series of one-shots, maybe one for every year of Percy's life? Or maybe I'll just do random stuff. I DON'T REALLY KNOW!**

**Such is the beauty of fanfiction.**

**DISCLAIMER: The person who wrote this sentence does not own PJO. And since Rick Riordan did not write this sentence, well, then... I DO NOT OWN PJO! No matter how much I wish I did... I'M PRETTY SURE YOU CAN FIGURE OUT THE REST!**

**Enjoy the story!**

ATHENA had the perfect life. She was smart, gorgeous, a virgin, and Zeus's favorite daughter! She got to carry his shield, for the love of Apollo! If that didn't earn her brownie points, what did? There was that annoying uncle of hers, Poseidon, but who cared about him? Besides the people he killed out of anger. And Aphrodite was always trying to give her a makeover, but with her amazing brain and wonderful talents, Athena managed to elude her every time.

Also, she had never been a teenager. She was born fully grown and with her chosen profession already in position. And everyone knew that teenagers were the most difficult of all the human beings on earth. Just take a look at her children! Always complaining about being eaten by monsters. The ungrateful little brats.

But, as in all stories with a plot line, the paradise that was Athena's life was about to change forever...

"IT'S A BOY!" Poseidon shouted, running into the room. His hair was mussed and he was panting, like he had run all the way to Olympus. "IT'S A BOY!"

All of the gods were assembled at Olympus, except Hades, who was dealing with his mood swings down in the Underworld. Apollo was in the process of creating Justin Bieber for all fangirls everywhere. Zeus was looking at a Playboy magazine. Aphrodite was applying makeup. Hephaestus was creating the iPod. Artemis was randomly shooting arrows at stuff. Hera was planning to ruin a bunch of demigods' lives. Dionysus was whining about being sent back to Camp Half-Blood. Demeter was forcing cereal onto Hermes, who was trying to stop George from eating his shoe. And Athena was reading a book from the Tres Navarre series by Rick Riordan. It was actually quite good, for a mortal man. Athena made a mental note to pay Mr. Riordan a visit later, bookmarked her page and turned to stare at Poseidon like everyone else.

"Um... what are you talking about...?" Zeus looked like he had a sneaking suspicion that wasn't the best one to have. Athena was pretty sure she had the same one.

Poseidon immediately blushed, then paled, turning bright red again, and white as a sheet before stuttering, "W-what... uh... nothing... nothing at all..."

Athena looked at Zeus. Zeus looked at Hera. Hera looked at Apollo. Apollo looked at Aphrodite. Aphrodite looked at Artemis. Artemis looked at Dionysus. Dionysus looked at Demeter. Demeter looked at Hermes. Hermes turned his head and looked at no one because there was no one standing beside him.

Then they all jumped on Poseidon.

"Hey... hey... whoa!" Poseidon yelled as he collapsed under a pile of immortals.

In about five seconds, Hermes, Hephaestus, Artemis, and Athena had pinned his arms and legs to the ground. Apollo was shining a light at Poseidon's face. Zeus and Hera were dressed up in police inspector's gear, while Aphrodite was taking notes on her mirror in lipstick. Demeter was making everyone bowls of cereal and Dionysus was tipping around the throne room.

"Poseidon," Zeus said. "Do you know why you are in this position?"

"Uh... no?" Poseidon said. "And why are you guys doing this?"

"Number one," Hermes said. "We're bored. Number two, we're curious as to what you meant. And number three, we're bored."

"You said that already."

"Oh, yeah."

"STOP AVOIDING THE QUESTION!" Zeus bellowed. "WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY SCREAMING, 'IT'S A BOY!' WHEN YOU TRAIPSED IN HERE! ANSWER!"

"Um... I... uh... I meant... Triton's a boy!"

"No duh," Athena said.

Poseidon looked at all of them. "Fine. What I meant was... I have a son! A demigod son!"

...

...

...

Dead silence.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"WILL YOU STOP THAT!" Zeus screamed.

...

...

...

..- "HERMES!"

"Sorry."

"It's true," Poseidon said. Then he got mad. "And don't you dare yell at me, Zeus! We all know you have two demigod children as of right now! And from the same mortal, too!"

"WHAT?" Everyone else gasped at Zeus.

Zeus was suddenly pinned on the investigation table, Hera glaring down at him.

"What do you mean, you have two demigod children! What are their names and ages and WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"

"Now, my love, don't jump to conclusions... I mean, Poseidon hasn't exactly told us what's going on either!" While Hera considered that, Zeus hissed to Poseidon, "That was told to you strictly in confidence while we were both drunk a few weeks ago!"

"I heard that!" Hera snapped.

"Alright, my dear heart. I do have two demigod children, Thalia and Jason. Thalia is almost ten and Jason is just a few months old... it was nothing, my darling, just a summer fling... except for the fact that Thalia was born in December, and Jason was born in May, but... at least I can admit it!" Zeus finished.

"Hey, I admitted it too! I have a son! His name is Percy. Percy Jackson." Poseidon looked very pleased with himself.

"You IDIOT!" Athena slapped Poseidon. "You just gave yourself away!"

"Oops." Poseidon said.

Inside, Athena was raging. Another son of Kelp Head. It was bad enough when it was just Poseidon himself. But a MINI-POSEIDON! That was waaayyy over Athena's limit.

The gods had punished Poseidon for breaking his oath by listening to an hour of songs from, "Barney! The Musical." After about five minutes, he was begging for mercy, but as Zeus eloquently put it, "YOU'LL BE DOING THAT WITH YOUR SON SOON ENOUGH, YOU LITTLE *bleep*!"

Athena, meanwhile, had retired to her chambers, where she proceeded to throw a couple of her least favorite pencils out of the window, where they hit an unfortunate Hermes on the head as he was walking below her room.

Athena regained control of her anger and took some deep breath, doing some of the calming exercises that Demeter had recommended so that Athena would stop blowing up her garden. However, Athena remained calm for a grand total of about three seconds before roaring in rage, morphing into a giant owl and flying off Olympus and down to the mortal world.

She was going to pay a little visit on Poseidon's baby son.

Athena the giant owl landed on an apartment windowsill. Inside, she could see a young woman with brown hair and eyes rocking a bundle in her arms. Athena could hear her crooning a lullaby to the bundle, which Athena assumed was the baby.

"Perseus," the woman lulled. "Perseus, go to sleep. Go to sleep, my baby, so you can become a hero when you get older. Go to sleep." She kissed the baby's forehead and placed him gently in a crib. She left the room, stopping in the doorway briefly to look lovingly at her sleeping son.

Athena magically made the window exploded. Okay, fine, she just punctured it with her beak and flew into the room, perching on the crib rail and glowering down at the baby.

He was small, tiny, cute even, with raven black hair. His small chest moved up and down as he slept away. His tiny hands were curled into fists, like he was dreaming of grabbing someone's finger.

Athena reached down to snatch up his blanket, carry him off and go drown him or drop him off a skyscraper or something. Hey, this was New York, she could afford to be creative. But right as she started to lift off into the sky, the baby woke up.

His bright green eyes bored into her gray owl-y ones. He stared at her silently, then reached a small hand out, patting the feathers on Athena's neck.

Athena dropped the blanket. She couldn't hurt a child. She just couldn't. It was against her wise nature. _Hera _was the one who enjoyed murdering children and turning their mothers into molten sludge. Sure, there was that little spat with Arachne (her children HATED that one) and of course, Poseidon... and that one pizza guy who hadn't gotten her order right... and the girl at McDonalds who hadn't given her a toy with her Happy Meal... oh, and the time she blasted that kid into pieces, just because he was annoying... and sometimes she punished her children... but STILL! Athena wasn't a killer. And she couldn't kill a defenseless baby, even if he was a child of Poseidon.

She stroked the baby's tiny head with her wing. He gurgled softly, eyes closing.

When Athena was sure he was asleep again, she spread her wings and took off. In a flash, she was back at Olympus, feeling much better.

Athena decided to go visit some of her other children, being the kind, compassionate mother that she was. Hmmm, there were her kids at Camp Half-Blood, Daedalus down in the Labyrinth... oh! There was her three month old baby girl in Virginia. Athena decided to visit her and her father. Ah, Frederick. He was always good for a mad science discussion.

As Athena teleported to the Chase residence somewhere in Virginia, she thought to herself, _Maybe this little boy wouldn't be so bad... _

Yeah, right.

**Well, then...**

**Athena actually DOESN'T kill Percy on sight! Le gasp! I don't really know how much older Annabeth is then Percy, so I made it about three months. I know the gods are OOC, but that is on purpose! It's supposed to be FUNNY! So, hoped you liked it! I'll update soonish! Leave a review, and all flames belong to Leo!**


	2. Ice Cream and a Monster Toddler

**HEY YOU GUYS!**

**I'm back! And better than ever... not really. But whatever! I have another chapter of "The Rants of the Mighty Athena" for you... and this is possibly my favorite yet. But I've only written two... heh. I've got some good ideas for the future, but if you have any suggestions, I'd appreciate it!**

**Disclaimer: I think I'm onto something. You know Rick Rolling, on YouTube and wherever? Well, my research has shown that if you get Rick Rolled enough times, you shall be given clues to the whereabouts of the secret hidden rights to PJO! So, now, all I have to do is find a bunch of Rick Rolling videos and THE RIGHTS SHALL BE MINE! Unfortunately, my raccoons haven't had much luck with the search. They're too busy ordering Chinese food with my mother's credit card. And since my lawyers are still looking into suing Rick Riordan, I don't own PJO... yet.**

**Okay, here's the chapter!**

**ALLONS-Y!**

* * *

ATHENA loved ice cream.

Wait, wait a moment. Too fast. Back up. Athena didn't love just _any _kind of ice cream. She had to have a Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top. And not just _any _Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top. Athena had to have a Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top from a little ice cream parlor down on 12th Street. And she couldn't have just _anyone _make her a Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top from the little ice cream parlor down on 12th Street. Athena's Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top from the little ice cream parlor down on 12th Street had to be made by a guy called Bernie, who always, _always_, ALWAYS scooped her Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top from the little ice cream parlor down on 12th Street _just right_.

Anyway, on this bright, fall day, Athena was craving ice cream. Partly because she had just sat through a long, boring meeting which was about Zeus's budget for hair products and partly because she _knew_ that Bernie was on duty today and that she could get the most perfectly perfect ice cream in the entire cosmos: A Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top from the little ice cream parlor down on 12th Street scooped by the guy called Bernie.

So Athena got dressed in her favorite ice cream eating outfit-plaid baggy shirt, jeans, Converse, and her diamond owl earrings-and headed to the little ice cream parlor down on 12th Street, to Bernie and her Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top were waiting.

* * *

The little ice cream shop down on 12th Street was unusually crowded for a fall day, which made Athena quite cranky. Little kids shrieked that stupid ice cream song, mother's wiped vanilla and chocolate mustaches from their kids faces. The scoopers called out orders and whipped their scoops and sprinkle containers with a flourish.

Athena was in paradise... well, sort of.

If she could just get past the whiny mortals and the annoying, perky, cheesy, singing ice cream cone mascot in the corner and get her Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top, she'd be golden. Wait, she already was the golden child. Heh.

Athena finally, _finally_, FINALLY, after five minutes of waiting in a line of annoying children and listening to "The Ants Go Marching," got in front of Bernie and into her dream of Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top.

"How's my favorite customer today?" Bernie grinned at Athena.

Athena smiled coyly back. "Ready for the usual, Bernie!"

"Right-o, baby!" Bernie exclaimed. He dug his ice cream scoop into the Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl ice cream and started stacking it onto the waffle cone while Athena dug through her purse, finding exactly three dollars and twenty-nine cents in the mass of books, pens, and papers that occupied it.

Bernie finished Athena's cone with a flurry of whipped cream and a perfect round, red, Bing cherry. He wrapped it gingerly in a napkin and dutifully handed it over the counter. "Here you are, my lady," he said with an elaborate bow.

"Thank you, kind sir." Athena beamed back at him and pressed the money into his hand, taking the Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top.

Bernie tipped his scooper at her and Athena set off to find a table.

When she had finally located one in the midst of the chaotic little ice cream parlor on 12th Street, she sat back, closed her eyes, and prepared to launch herself into a icy, cream, chocolaty, delicious treat, until-

**SPLAT!**

Athena slowly opened her eyes. Her tongue was stuck out, but no Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top made by Bernie in the little ice cream parlor on 12th Street met it. Instead, Athena could feel the icy yumminess making it's way slowly down her shirt front. Her hand was held out in front of her, but there was no ice cream cone inside her grasp. All she could see in front of her was a small, raven-haired, green-eyed, blue Tropical Fruity Blast-smeared toddler sitting on her lap, his small hands pushed out to her chest, smushing her wonderful Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top into her plaid shirt while gazing up at her innocently.

"Bird," he said.

A pretty brunette woman rushed over. "Oh, Percy, look what you've done! I'm terribly sorry, ma'am. I'll get some napkins... oh dear." The woman seemed incredibly flustered and awfully familiar.

"Percy?" Athena said, hardly daring to believe her bad luck. "You mean Percy... Jackson?"

The woman looked up in surprise. "Why, yes. How did you know? I'm Sally... oh, now your shirt is going to stain. Here." The woman shoved some pink paper napkins at Athena, only succeeding in smashing the brown ice cream in more. "I'm terribly sorry! Oh, Percy, you naughty boy!"

"Bird?" the child asked.

"The only word he can say. For the life of me, I can't figure out why," Sally explained, rolling her eyes.

Athena was fuming inside. She could feel herself heating up, like she did just before she incinerated some stupid mortal.

"Here, I'll pay for the washing." Sally tried to snatch some money from her handbag, but succeeded in dropping it.

"It's fine, really," Athena muttered through gritted teeth. "Just go. I'm fine."

"Oh, no, I insist. It's the least I can do after... Percy, how _did _you get away from me that fast?" Sally looked up into Athena's rapidly clouding eyes. "Are you sure you're alri-" She stopped, interrupting herself, seeing the rage in the goddesses face and internally realizing that something bad was going to happen. "I'll be going now. Um, have a nice day."

The woman snatched up her son and raced out of the ice cream parlor. Percy screamed, "Bird! Bird! Bird!" as she sped down 12th Street.

As soon as the pair were out of sight, Athena roared in anger. Her beloved Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top made by Bernie in the little ice cream parlor on 12th Street was now a mess on her shirtfront. Her day was ruined and she now would probably have to go back to Olympus and listen to the other gods complain about how they never had any fun and needed more cosmetics and mirrors.

The little ice cream parlor on 12th Street started to shake. Plaster rained down on everyone's heads as the mortals started screaming, "EARTHQUAKE!" and ran out of the shop. All of the ice cream melted from the fiery aura coming off of Athena and the toppings exploded out of their canisters. Workers and customers alike ran helter-skelter down the street, screeching something about a giant owl ravaging through the little ice cream parlor on 12th Street.

When Athena finally got control of her rage, she looked around. The little ice cream parlor on 12th Street was in chaos. Table turned over, rivers of ice cream floating on the floor... and her beloved Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top maker, Bernie, was lying unconscious on the tile floor.

Athena rushed to his side. "Bernie, Bernie, speak to me!"

Slowly, Bernie's eyes fluttered open. "What happened? Do you want more ice cream?"

Athena almost kissed him. "You're alive! I was afraid I'd killed you!"

"You?"

Athena quickly backpedaled. "Um... I mean... the giant owl! He almost killed you!"

"Well, I'm okay now," Bernie said, sitting up. He took a glance at Athena. "What happened to you?"

"You know, your everyday owl attack. I'm fine..."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, I would be better if I had gotten to actually eat my ice cream instead of wear it..." Athena trailed off uncomfortably.

Bernie got to his feet and brushed himself off, then helped Athena up. They stood in silence for a while.

Athena laughed uneasily. "I'd better get going... so much to do, so little time... um, bye." She turned to go.

"Wait!" Bernie grabbed her wrist. Athena looked at him in shock. He shifted back and forth uncomfortably. "Um... you're very pretty. And you never got to eat your ice cream so... another cone, on me?"

Athena thought for a while, then smiled. "I have a better idea." She whispered in Bernie's ear, "There's this fabulous restaurant on Broadway where you can buy the greatest hamburgers..."

Bernie grinned at her. "Then what are we waiting for?"

Athena smiled back shyly and took his hand.

The two of them walked off into the twilight together, hand in hand. And even though Athena never got her Triple Chocolate Mocha Swirl Waffle Cone with Dark Chocolate Shavings and Whipped Cream with a Bing Cherry on top, Bernie did get one heck of a tip.

* * *

**Awwwwwwww... I loved that at the end. Little romance... little humor... no ice cream... but love! Sigh.**

**I may have to start shipping Berthena. **

**Cuteness.**

**So, tell me how you liked it! Tell me if you hated it! Tell me if you loved it! I just need one four letter word: Hate or Love. It's not that hard to do. So click the review button, people! **

**BTW, I may start signing my chapters with different usernames and nicknames each time. Let's see how many I can come up with!**

**And remember:**

**EAT DIRT, RUN WITH SCISSORS, AND SCREAM AT A WALL! SHIP BERTHENA AND NEVER TRUST A PLASTIC HIPPO!**

**Oh, and review.**

**FLAME OUT!**

**~TheMagicalCurlyGinger (PeaceLoveAndCheese)**


	3. How Does A Snake Get Into Your Bed?

**And I'm back!**

**Sorry it took so long to update. I got the second chapter done- and gained a major case of writer's block. I seriously had no inspiration for this or the Mark of Athena at ALL. So... I kind of had to go beg people for ideas. And this chapter's idea was given to me by LunaLove25. So... go check out her stories in gratitude! NOW! And thanks!**

**So, if you have an idea, or if you don't, JUST REVIEW AND GIVE ME ONE!**

**Disclaimer: Well, the Rick Rolling didn't work out. So now I am going to go to Hogwarts and learn a mind altering spell! Then Rick will HAVE to give the rights to PJO over to me. But until I can actually walk through walls or get a flying car, I don't own PJO.**

* * *

ATHENA, being the wise, all-knowing goddess that she was, often got called in to do one of the worst jobs of all time that was known in the mortal world-because being a goddess was _infinitely _harder-but Athena pulled it off with beauty and grace.

The dreaded job of all professionals everywhere: substitute teaching.

Unfortunately, Athena never managed to get out of substituting when she was called upon. Since she was the goddess of wisdom, it only made sense to go down and help those stupid mortals. The one time she decided not to do it, Whatveidone, the pesky spirit of guilt, made her feel so bad that she sent the unfortunate substitute who had gone in Athena's place a gift basket, a box of chocolates, and lollipops for all the kids.

Anyway, one of the preschool/kindergarten teachers at Happy Valley School for Young Children called in sick. And of course, the school called Athena, just because she was the best. And completely modest. Just saying.

So, Athena went down to the Happy Valley School for Young Children to teach her preschool class for the afternoon. Athena didn't really like small children, as they weren't up to learning much and had short attention spans and needed to take naps in the afternoon, but she stepped up to the job with poise.

However, this job was a little different than others...

* * *

It was quiet, just after noon. The children were all settled down for a nap. Athena had gotten there about five minutes earlier, softly closing the door as not to wake the kids.

"Thank you so much for coming, Minerva!" the principal said. "I don't know what I'd have done if you weren't available!"

Athena had heard this speech before, so she just replied, "It's no problem," before ducking into her classroom.

She gazed around at the little faces and little hands and little _everythings_ of her small charges. They breathed in and out deeply, serene in sleep. So cute. But they needed to wake up soon. Then, there was a half hour of story time and then play until the parent's came to pick them up.

Three minutes later, a bell chimed softly. Slowly, the kids got up, yawned, and settled around in The Story Circle... well, except for one.

Athena counted heads. _Thirteen... fourteen... fifteen... _She stopped. Child Number 16 was missing. She quickly counted again, and checked the register. None were absent, so she was definitely missing one. Styx.

"Okay, kids," Athena piped up. "We're going to have play time now!"

"But it's story time!" One of them whined.

"I know," Athena said. "But today we're just going to have play. If you still want a story, come and see me in a little bit."

Most of the kids got up then and wandered off to play with toys of their choice. A couple stayed on the rug, confused, but Athena grabbed a box of blocks and they were soon building happily.

Athena looked around the room, trying not to panic about the missing child. There were the three on the rug, building with blocks, a couple of boys playing in the sandbox and a trio of little girls engaged with the house. Two brothers who looked very alike were stealing snacks from the cupboards, but Athena ignored that. Another little boy was showing a girl how to tie knots in a strange-looking rope. The girl looked disgusted and ran off to draw with two other girls. One kid had fallen asleep again on a blanket and a mean-looking girl was placing objects precariously on top of his stomach.

Sixteen. What? Now there were sixteen kids. Athena shook her head. She must have counted wrong before.

Suddenly, something flickered in the corner of her eye. Another woman was standing across the room. She looked at Athena, grinned evilly, and vanished without another word. Weird.

Well, Athena was an all-powerful goddess! Nothing could stop her from doing her duty.

Almost nothing.

* * *

RING!

The bell blasted, signaling the end of the day. The small children gathered up coats and boots and headed outside to meet their parents. Athena followed.

Slowly, one by one, all of the kids were picked up and taken home... except one little boy, the one who was still playing with that strange-looking rope. Athena was about to go over to ask where his parent was, when a brown-haired woman ran up, out of breath.

"I'm sorry I'm late! I was held up in the shop. Thank you for waiting," she told Athena, then stopped to look at her curiously. "Do I know you?"

"You might," Athena said, not looking to closely at the woman. She had a date with Bernie and his baby son, Malcolm, that night and she didn't want to be late. "I substitute a lot here."

"Oh," the woman said, not seeming entirely convinced. She turned to the boy. "How was your day, Percy?"

Percy? Why did that sound familiar?

Athena took a closer look at the little boy. Black hair, green eyes, cocky grin... oh no.

The boy held up his strange toy. "Look!"

"That's very nice dear-" The woman stopped. Her eyes widened and she screamed. "Where did you get THAT?"

Startled, the little boy dropped it. His mother snatched him up. "Percy! Oh, are you okay?" She glared at Athena. "How could you let this happen?" Without waiting for an answer, she hurried down the sidewalk, bundled the boy into his car seat and drove off in less than a minute.

Athena stood in the chill winter air, puzzled, which was something that didn't happen very often when you were the goddess of wisdom. She bent down and picked up the child's toy.

A limp, scaly rope hung from her grasp. Athena looked more carefully and gasped.

A snake. The boy had somehow managed to get ahold of a snake. There were child-sized imprints of hands near the snake's head. The boy had strangled it? And judging by the size and shape of the head, it had been a poisonous one too.

Athena dropped the dead animal and rushed inside. She checked her classroom for a snake nest or something. Nothing.

Then she remembered the woman. Had she put the snake within Percy's reach? Athena didn't know, but she wasn't sticking around long enough to find out.

She turned in her paperwork for a paycheck (not that she needed it, of course, but it was a formality). Then she hurried down the walk, making the snake vanish before she did so.

Athena turned the corner and when she was out of sight of any mortals, she started back to Olympus. She had a date tonight and needed to get ready. But even so, she couldn't help but wonder what kind of boy this son of Poseidon was.

* * *

**And... cut! Roll it!**

**So... that was shorter and not as good as the others. But meh. I NEED IDEAS, PEOPLE! SO REVIEW AND GIVE ME THEM! OR THE CREEPY LADY WILL COME AND STICK SNAKES IN YOUR BED! SO DO IT! REVIEW! AND I NEED IDEAS!**

**P.S. I promise to update the Mark of Athena ASAP. But once you do a cliffhanger thing like that, it's kind of hard to live up to it. DX**

**P.P.S. If you don't know what the cliffhanger thing is... GO READ MY STORY! NOW!**

**P.P.P.S. I now have a FictionPress account. So... yeah. Same username, go check it out. Also, I have a DeviantArt account, but nothing is on there at the moment because I won't be getting a new scanner until my birthday at the end of the month and my old one broke. D: But my name there is GingerWriter. Maybe I'll post some story on there. I don't know. **

**P.P.P.P.S. DOCTOR WHO IS AMAZING! SO IS PIE! SO AM I! GO GRAB SOME PIE AND EAT IT WHILE WATCHING DOCTOR WHO WITH ME! Kay?**

**P.P.P.P.P.S. Whoever can tell me which book the scene that inspired this chapter is in, YOU SHALL RECEIVE VIRTUAL PRIZES OF YOUR CHOICE!**

**P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Happy Fourth, to those who celebrated it. And have a wonderful day! Bye!**


	4. A Starfish Is NOT A Fashion Statement

**So... I know I said I would update everything yesterday, but it was my birthday. And my friends, being the insane, wonderful people that they are, decided to throw me a surprise party on a boat. So, while I was NOT updating, I was off having a blast until ten at night. So I'm updating this today and will update the Mark of Athena tomorrow.**

**Sorry for the inconvenience.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, for my birthday, no one got me the rights to PJO. So I don't own it.**

* * *

ATHENA hated the ocean.

Well, no duh. It was Poseidon's domain. OF COURSE SHE HATED THE OCEAN! But unfortunately, no matter what she said, most of her kids loved it. Which meant Athena was usually forced to go, whether she liked it or not.

Today, she was visiting a small place called Montauk, on the coast of New York. It was nicer, she supposed, then full-out beaches in places like Florida. Plus, she could always pop down for a quick chat with the spirits of the Hudson and East Rivers. Even though they fought all the time, they were still better than those sea creatures Poseidon always seemed to have hanging about, ready to make a fool out of her, or the annoying water nymphs, who always made fun of Athena.

She had agreed to meet one of her daughters at the small beach and join her and her father for a day. Usually, she refrained from making contact with her children, but Annabeth was different. Athena knew she was going to have a part to play in the future of the world when she got older. But for now, Athena was just going to wish her a happy seventh birthday.

And that was all.

She meant it.

Unfortunately, nothing ever really goes according to plan when you hang around with demigods.

* * *

It all started when she got hit in the face with a starfish.

Yes, a starfish. A blobby pink star-shaped animal that hit her in the nose, suckered on and refused to move. Not exactly the look you want to have going for you. But that was a little too far forward... maybe it would be best to start with HOW she got the starfish thrown at her.

Athena had just gotten out of her supermegafoxyawesomehot gray sports car (hey, if you're a goddess, you can live it up a little) with her supermegafoxyawesomehot bikini showing off her curves (yes, Athena has curves. Crazy mortals). She grabbed her beach tote, locked the car (which was completely unnecessary, as any smart person would just be able to unlock it themselves, because the top was down. However, mortals tended to be ignorant about that kind of thing) and headed down the sandy beach, trying to find her daughter's party in the midst of all the chaotic people trying to enjoy their holiday.

Not that there was very many people at all. Athena spotted the gray and pink balloons fifty yards away. Besides her daughter and the father, there were only two other people in sight, a woman and her son playing in the surf.

Athena plunked her tote down on a chair and swept her golden-haired daughter up in a hug as she ran towards Athena, squealing, "Mommy!" Frederick smiled behind them.

"Hey, sweetheart!" Athena allowed herself a moment of indulgence of the sweetness that was her young girl. "Happy birthday!"

"Thanks!" Her daughter jumped down and stared up at her mother solemnly with her big gray eyes. "I'm seven. That's a prime number, which means it's only divisible by one and itself. It's also the square root of 49," she announced.

"That's right," Athena told her. "Did you learn that in school?"

"No," the girl said. "I was reading one of Daddy's books."

Athena looked at Frederick sternly. "I told you not to let her read your books until she had finished the young adult ones at the library!"

"She already did," Frederick admitted sheepishly. "And no matter what I do to keep her out of there, she somehow always finds them."

Athena sighed. Sometimes having a bunch of genius's for kids made her life a lot harder.

Annabeth had become distracted by a brightly colored birthday cake. "Look at my cake, Mommy! It has multiples of seven on it! I wanted one with the Pythagorean Theorem on it, but Daddy said that was too hard to put on a cake."

"He was right," Athena said. She dug into her bag and pulled out a gift-wrapped package. "Here you go, honey. Happy birthday."

Annabeth squealed in joy and unwrapped the present, pulling out a squashy stuffed owl. "Oh, Mommy! He's so cute! I love him!" She jumped up for another hug. "I'm going to name him...Euclid!"

"That's... fantastic, sweetie," Athena said, not looking as thrilled with the name as Annabeth. "You run along and play now, while I talk to your father."

"Okay!" Annabeth ran down the beach, swinging her owl at her side.

"Athena," Frederick started.

But before Athena could say anything else, a bright pink starfish smacked her in the face.

"AAGHH!" Athena screamed, jumping around, trying to pry the sea creature off of her. "GET IT OFF!"

"Um..." Frederick decided to try and help, but when one of Athena's elbows smacked him in the chest, he decided not to go near her.

Suddenly, the woman and her son who Athena had seen playing farther down materialized beside them.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" The woman said. She turned to her son. "I told you not to throw the starfish!"

"Sorry," the boy said, not sounding the least bit remorseful.

Athena glared at him. Wait a minute... black hair, green eyes... oh no.

"YOU!" she screamed.

The woman looked startled. "Um... are you okay?"

"NO I AM NOT OKAY! I HAVE A FLESHY PINK BLOB STUCK TO MY FACE! DOES THAT LOOK OKAY TO YOU?" Athena screamed.

"No," the woman admitted.

Athena finally managed to unstick the stupid creature. She could've sworn it gave her a disgusted look. Stupid animals of Poseidon.

She glared down at the boy, trying to decide whether to blast him to ashes or not. He looked up at her charmingly, and Athena softened.

His mother, though, kept looking at him disapprovingly. "Percy, what do you say?"

Percy looked up at Athena. "Can I have my starfish back?"

While his mother scolded him- "Honestly, Percy, you didn't even say 'please!'"-Athena just sighed. She was glad her children were more well-behaved.

Speaking of her children, at that moment Annabeth decided to join them. She looked from the starfish to Percy and back. "Um... Mommy, who is this?"

"This is Percy Jackson," Athena muttered. "Son of Posei-"

Percy's mother cut her off quickly. "Look at the time! Percy, say you're sorry to the nice woman for throwing a starfish at her."

Percy grinned impishly. "You're sorry to the nice woman for throwing a starfish on her."

"PERCY!" While his mother yelled at him some more, Annabeth studied him. She turned back to Athena.

"Did he really throw a starfish on you?" Annabeth asked, wide-eyed and innocent looking.

Athena sighed again. "Yes."

Annabeth's eyes narrowed immediately. She whirled on Percy. "YOU THREW A STARFISH AT MY MOMMY!"

"Yeah, sure," Percy said. "So?"

In response, Annabeth whacked him with her stuffed owl. "NO ONE THROWS A STARFISH AT MY MOMMY!" So much for innocent.

Percy screamed. They both ran down the beach, shrieking.

Athena and the other adults stood there in stunned silence.

"Um..." Percy's mom said. "Shall we go after them?"

"Let the children have their fun," Frederick said, beckoning them with his arm towards the table. "Cake?"

Athena had to admit, chocolate did sound rather good at the moment.

So, while Percy ran around the beach yelling ("OW! Hey, that hurts! Ouch! Stop it-OW!") as Annabeth whacked him repeatedly with a stuffed owl ("HOW DARE YOU THROW STARFISH AT MY MOTHER! STARFISH ARE NOT EVEN FISH!"), Athena, Frederick, and Sally (Percy' mother) enjoyed some delicious birthday cake.

Athena had to admit, as far as the ocean went, the day wasn't _so _bad.

That is, until a crab ended up in her bathing suit...

* * *

_About Ten Years Later..._

__"Hey, Percy," Annabeth said, walking up to him.

Percy was busy trying to figure out if he could really write things with Riptide. So far, he had just managed to rip up a lot of paper. So intent on his task, he didn't turn around when Annabeth came up behind him. "Oh, hi, Annabeth."

"Look what I found while spring cleaning my cabin!" Annabeth held something out.

Percy turned around. In Annabeth's hands was a large, squishy, very deadly stuffed owl.

"AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

**HA HA HA! I LOVED THAT CHAPTER!**

**Wow, was that fun to write! Heh.**

**Thanks to Hugs6 for giving the idea of Athena meeting Percy while visiting Annabeth on vacation. Remember guys? I NEED IDEAS OR THIS STORY WILL SHUT DOWN VERY SOON!**

**I got the idea for Annabeth's owl because I got a very large, squashy stuffed owl for my birthday today. Yes, I turned 14. Yes, I got a lot of immature children's stuff. Do I care? No.**

**I'm trying to think of a name for my owl... so far my sisters have dubbed him Mr. Floofuls. Since I really don't want to go around calling my owl Mr. Floofuls, I'm trying to think of a good name for him. Something from Harry Potter... because I got a stuffed manatee as well and named it TARDIS. Here is what I have come up with:**

**1) Dumbledore**

**2) Harry**

**3) Neville**

**4) Mr. Squishy Snape the Squashable Owl (this was my youngest sister's doing. She's 8 and sometimes a little to crazy for her own good.)**

**I NEED IDEAS! BOTH FOR THE STORY AND WHAT TO NAME MY OWL!**

**Please review!**

**ALL FLAMES BELONG TO LEO!**

**German Chocolate Cake is ninja cake... just saying.**

**PEACE OUT!**


	5. A Cannon Is NOT A Toy

**Well, hey everyone. I'm back with another chapter!**

**This prompt was given by m1347. So go pay homage to her and her stories for giving you this chapter!**

**And now I'm going to reply to a reviewer who reviewed back in March. Here is what they wrote:**

**_Athena is not a virgin. just felt the need to clarify that. And she's way wise, so not even remotely cruel or prone to rage except in extreme cases (only two ever). This makes it sound like she's some kind of monster, punishing her kids or letting them die and not giving a damn. So not Athena. She would also never have even considered hurting Poseidon's son._**

**My reply: Well, thank you, Guest Who Didn't Have The Guts To Review On An Account. First, I would like to give you one word: FANFICTION. In case you didn't know, this is what this story is. Therefore, I have the freedom to write a story that stretches the characters personalities a little bit. Also, let me point out the genre of this story: HUMOR. That means that this is going to be a little bit outrageous, but it's for the enjoyment of my readers, not to given them misleading facts that they will take into their everyday lives. So, for each of your points: Athena has been given the title IN ACTUAL GREEK MYTHOLOGY as a virgin goddess. See the word virgin in there? Now she does have children, but they were created by no godly sexual input. So... just for the HUMOROUS purposes of this story, that was said. Athena is the wisdom goddess, but as you said she has had two extreme cases of rage, I'm just going to disregard that entire sentence, because you contradicted yourself. If writing this story makes Athena sound like some sort of monster, I would like to show you the serious fanfictions that actually DO make her seem mean and cruel. Again, this is humor. And when humor uses the antagonist as the protagonist, then I'm pretty sure it can't be all that bad. And there is no need for cursing. Also, I keep all of my stories at a T rating or below and I'm pretty sure that that ensures that Athena would not seem like she doesn't care about her children. And why would she not consider hurting the son of her enemy? In fiction, they have that all the time. And Athena's messed with plenty of demigods before, so why wouldn't she consider hurting Percy? Because you said so? Sorry, but that doesn't seem plausible. And again, this is HUMOR and FANFICTION and RATED T. So she didn't hurt him.**

**I appreciate that you took the time to review a story that you obviously didn't like, but I think that I could've done just as well without your input. If you want me to fix or change something in a story, you need to tell me what I could do as well as why you think that. Otherwise, I'm not going to take your thoughts into account. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I'm not going to change this story that I and 68 other reviewers like because of one person's opinion. Your review was rude to the author and the work and not at all constructive. But thank you for giving me one more review in the review count, because I don't think anyone else reads reviews but me. If you don't like my writing, don't read it. You don't need to give me a review telling me what you think is wrong with this story. **

**If you would like to read my other stories feel free. And I hope you enjoy this stories continuation. But in the future, if you don't have anything nice or constructive to say to me, don't say anything at all.**

**I'm always open for HELPFUL CONSTRUCTIVE comments, but opinions that don't help me grow as a writer are considered flames and as I've said many times, ALL FLAMES BELONG TO LEO.**

**I hope I didn't come off as rude here.**

**Enjoy the (shortish) chapter, everyone!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters. I just put the words in their mouths.**

* * *

ATHENA loved the Revolutionary War.

Well, of course she did. Goddess of wisdom and battle strategy here. But the Revolution was _glorious_. The colonists fighting for their freedom, the British to regain power. And then there was the small matter of her son, George Washington, leading the colonists to victory and THEN becoming president.

So it wasn't really abnormal if Athena spent a lot of time down in the mortal world basking in the glory of a fantastic war.

This time, she was spending her day at a museum, gazing and old muskets and listening to the tour guide drone on and on...

"... so, on December 25, Washington crossed the Delaware River and surprised the Redcoat troops..."

The tour guide, a college-aged girl who barely knew her own name that was written on the name-tag pinned to her chest, much less the full and glorious history of the Revolutionary War, was beginning to irk Athena. As well as the elementary schoolers who weren't paying attention, shrieking and trying to take the swords out of their display cases and kill each other with them.

So Athena decided to pull a fancy trick and switch places with the tour guide. After all, who better to talk about the Revolution then someone who had seen it happen?

Athena found herself in the tour guide uniform. A blob of gray fabric that was solely unattractive on a moose, much less a human-or in this case, goddess. So she changed before the rest of the mortals could blink, using the speed of the NINJA!

"Hey, who are you?" a childlike voice asked her. So much for the speed of the NINJA!

"I'm the tour guide, little boy," Athena said, not paying much attention to the asker. "Now, to continue-"

"No, you're not!"

"Percy," a woman who must've been the teacher said, "Stop bothering the tour guide."

"But that's not the tour guide!"

"Be quiet and listen, Percy. You're being tested over this."

Percy rolled his eyes and wandered away over to a case holding war uniforms.

Pretending like she wasn't seething inside, Athena kept going along with her tour. As they reached the end of the museum, she could practically feel all the eyes that were following her with rapt attention, all the minds that had been blessed with such wonderful information, the hands that were going in the air to ask some beautifully knowledgable question that would indeed set them on the right track to becoming lovely smart American citizens-

"Where's the bathroom?"

Or not.

"Down the hall, to the right," Athena said through gritted teeth. About half the class took off towards the restrooms, the teacher calling after them to stay with their buddies. She gave Athena an apologetic look and started after them.

"No, Bobby, please don't shove Dean's head into the water fountain, it's unsanitary and not nice! Sally, give Lauren back her hair bow. John, _please_ cap that marker before you get it on the walls... Percy, stop! I mean it now! Get down from that horse!"

Athena rolled her eyes. Mortals were so ignorant.

The teacher looked at Athena apologetically. "Students! Get over here! We're going to be leaving soon! I need to do a head count. Come here now!"

The students gathered around their teacher as she counted each of them off. "... nineteen... twenty... twenty-one..." She frowned and started again, counting the same number the second time. "Who's missing?"

None of the other kids tattled on their missing classmate. Typical mortal children, although Athena had to admire them a little bit. Her brothers and sisters on Olympus were forever bickering about everything.

The teacher sighed. "Okay, fine. We'll go back to the bus and if whoever is missing is still missing, there will be consequences. Let's go."

The kids filed into a line behind their teacher as she marched out of the building. Athena followed them, just to see what happened.

The bus driver, a portly balding man, was leaning against the outside of the bus. He smirked when he saw the teacher's irritated face. "Bad day?"

"It will be for somebody," she muttered and halted her class outside of the bus. "We're taking roll. Joey?"

"Here."

"Alice?"

"Here."

"Lauren?"

"Here."

"John?"

"Here."

"Percy?"

Silence.

"Percy?"

Nothing.

"Percy Jackson, if you are here, you had better say so right now... one... two..."

"There he is!" A little girl pointed to a field across from the school bus.

Every head turned, just as they spotted a small figure running from a cannon.

"Percy, so help me-" the teacher started. She never did get to finish.

Athena saw it coming. "Get down!" She dropped to the floor, the others following her lead just as the cannon fired with a massive BOOM.

Half of the class screamed in terror as the cannonball that Athena didn't know could actually still be fired sailed over their heads and slammed into the bus, creating a gaping hole in the side. The bus driver's mouth dropped open. "My bus!"

"PERCY JACKSON!"

Athena ushered the children, some of whom were crying, back into the museum. The bus driver was still outside, circling his bus in disbelief. The teacher had succeeded in dragging Percy into the museum by his ear and was proceeding to scold him.

"Have you any idea how many people you could've hurt, Percy? That was a very dangerous thing to do! When we get back to school, you will be speaking to the principal about your behavior! And there will be consequences! Now I have to go clean up your mess, so you stand right here, and I don't want you moving from this spot until I tell you to! Is that understood, young man?"

"Yes, ma'am," Percy said, looking at the ground.

The teacher stomped off to go comfort her various charges. Percy looked up at Athena, extremely guiltily. "I'm sorry I shot your cannon."

Athena shrugged. "It's not mine. I don't even work here."

Percy grinned. "I knew it!"

Athena rolled her eyes. "Yeah, just don't tell anyone."

"Okay," Percy said. He scuffed his foot on the floor.

Athena sighed. "Hey, you know what?"

Percy looked up, his lip sticking out slightly.

"I actually thought that was pretty cool. I didn't even know that thing could fire! And the bus driver totally deserves a hole in his bus. Besides, now you don't have to go back to school and do boring school work!"

Percy smiled slightly. "I guess so..."

"I know so," Athena said. "I'm the goddess of wisdom, I know everything."

"What?" Percy asked.

"Never mind," Athena said. "Well, I'm going to get out of here before the manager of this museum shows up and asks who the heck I am."

"Bye," Percy said.

And Athena vanished, leaving a very confused college tour guide sitting on the floor in a daze.

"What happened?"

* * *

**Questions? Comments? Ideas for the next chapter?  
**

**The ideas are always emphasized, because I'm always looking for new prompts for this story! You will get a shoutout if you prompt me! :D**

**Review and remember: ALL FLAMES BELONG TO LEO!**

**Cheese out!**


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